Archive for January, 2007

Cute? Cuddly? Adorable? No thanks.

Thursday, January 18th, 2007

Is it just me, or are baby toys just too damn cute to have in one’s house nowadays? I’m not into the cuddly-wuddly cutesy-wootsy baby crap found in most big-box retailers and supercenters, but I don’t want to deprive my child of the wonderful tactile landscape of plushy, furry, fuzzy things to glom onto in the middle of the night.

Thanks to babble.com’s Patti, I don’t have to worry about that anymore. Patti mentioned the very-cool toyvault.com where discerning, demented parents (such as myself) can buy all the fuzzy toys they can get their hands on, without the cuddly crap getting in the way.

My personal favorite is Mothra of the Godzilla collection. Having these furry little radioactive monsters from Japan stocking the crib of our new infant gives us at least one more advantage: It makes Blue Oyster Cult’s song Godzilla apropos for a lullaby.

Oh no, they say hes got to go
Go go godzilla, yeah
Oh no, there goes tokyo
Go go godzilla, yeah

Tips for raising a kid in the “ad-nauseum” era

Monday, January 15th, 2007

I’m really, really concerned with raising a child in a brand-neutral way. After reading Ad Nauseum” on MotherJones.com, I’m wondering if its even possible in the age when students can be suspended from school for wearing Pepsi logo-emblazoned shirts on a schools “Coke day”.

In order to go to the mat with the true demons of childhood brand-imprinting, I’m going to need a solid plan of attack. Here’s what I have so far:

1. Limit TV watching, structure activities
Television should not be the primary source of entertainment for kids. Limited TV means less advertising, violience, and wasted brain cells. Better to build a routine of family activities, reading, recreation, computer, and TV time for a more diverse outlook on the world.

When the TV is on, try and find shows with an educational, moral, or ethical message. There are plenty of fun and kid-friendly shows out there - parents just have to be responsible enough to find it and promote it. I grew up with 3-2-1 Contact, Square One, Imagination Station, G.I. Joe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, etc. - all had positive messages in their own way and all were entertaining.

2. Don’t take kids to the grocery store
Instead, have one person go to the store and the other stay at home with the baby/child.Grocery stores are built to imprint certain brands into a child’s consciousness. Any person who’s been down the cereal aisle knows it’s true. “Kid-friendly” (a.k.a. sugar-based) cereals are placed in the bottom half of the shelves at eye level with the target consumer. The more a child is at the store with mom and dad, the more they will recognize these food items as what they want. Of course, this is exacerbated by our first item.

This won’t work always be an option, but its good to reduce your child’s exposure to these products.

3. Avoid fast food at all costs.
This may be the most difficult of the rules for a busy family. Junior has drama class, Sally has Soccer practice, and Mom has Pilates. How in the world are we supposed to feed everyone? For the love of all that is good, fast food is not the answer!

Every fast food visit is an opportunity for marketers to imprint their brand into the impressionable mind of your toddler. Practically everything in the restaurant and on its packaging is built to draw youth in for another hit of that sweet, sweet high-fructose corn syurp (aka kid-crack).

Fast food is the bane of many 20 and 30-somethings all over America. We were raised on it by well-meaning parents and we are paying the price in heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and a complete lack of good nutrition knowledge. There are few better things we can pass on to our kids than a hatred for fast food.

5. When in doubt, remember Proverbs 22:6
While I’m not a Christian, I am a believer in common-sense Proverbs. Whenever you feel overwhelmed with the duties of parenthood, remember this simple sentence:

Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
- Proverbs 22:6, NASB

We aren’t just parents, we’re orienteers - living by the map and compass provided us by our parents. Kids can grow into better adults when provided with a map and compass devoid of advertising.

I bet you’re wondering how Friday went.

Tuesday, January 9th, 2007

We’re having quadruplets!

Um, no. That’s a joke. Actually, we won’t know until Feb. 2nd when we go to St. Francis. Apparantly, the OB doesn’t have an ultrasound device on the premesis - something I didn’t know until Friday.

They really should have a manual for this stuff - we just assume things are going to happen a certain way and lo and behold they never do.

Oh well - more time to string out the tension.